Dating’s Prime Directive

Lately I find myself delving into new worlds, going boldly where I have never gone before. I’ve found my final frontier, and it isn’t space. No, I’ve found it in a younger man. Who woulda thunk it? After a decade of dating, from the slightly younger to the significantly older, I think I may have my match in a relatively young guy. Relatively being six years my junior, still in college and having the attitude to match.

With so many differences between us (age, life experience, education) it can be very difficult to hold back advice. I’ve come to realize that our relationship requires a Prime Directive. Starfleet’s Prime Directive states that there can be no interference with the development of an alien civilization. Okay, so calling a guy an alien is a bit of a stretch (just a bit), but the same principle applies in the younger guy situation. He is still working through his formative years, learning professionalism, self-sufficiency, adult-like manners, and personal, professional and educational responsibility. As much as I would love like to take over and show him how to do things, I can’t. Simple as that. I went through those same years without someone dictating my every move and I owe the same to him.

That all said, there are (several) times when it’s okay to breach the Prime Directive, such as a hint here or edited essay there. There is actually a difference between dictating and advising, though as a control freak that line is blurred. While I can’t tell him what to do, which ensures a rebellious response, I can offer advice that he is free to take or not. The trick for me is to not be upset if he refuses the advice even though I know it will improve his circumstances… But he has to learn from his own mistakes! However, if I am asked for advice or help, then the Prime Directive is less restrictive. I’ve been asked to proofread an essay and his resume. I did these things gladly but I also made sure to involve him in the process, that way I wasn’t taking over completely and could show him why I made the changes.

This brings up an especially important note for dealing with other people, especially younger males. No one likes to lose control. Even further, no one likes being told what to do without having solid reasons to back up this action. If you want a person to change himself or his product, then you should tell that person why you would like to see that change happen, what it would mean to change, and how it can improve their life. Then wait for them to process and adopt this change if they want to. Trust me, you’re more likely to succeed this way!

All in all, dating a younger man has its pros and cons. That’s enough for a whole ‘nother post! But, above all else, follow the Prime Directive. Be there to support your man when he needs but stay out of his hair otherwise! Just be sure to communicate clearly and accept who he is. Do this and you both will be happy.

What's in a Date?

Things have definitely changed in the ways of the dating scene since our parents’ and grandparents’ times. More than just a few rules have changed over the past few decades, some for the better and some perhaps for the worse.

Ask anyone and money will be their top answer of what’s changed the most. And it has! ‘Back in the day,’ men were the workers who brought home the bacon so they were expected to pay for dates. Ladies, we’ve lost that perk! In this day and age when both parties work for a living, this line of payment may become blurry. I say ‘may’ because some people haven’t caught on yet. If you both are making the money, then you both need to be paying. Either split it evenly or by order or switch events. If your bacon isn’t equal, or comparable in any way, don’t sweat! You can cover the movie tickets while he gets the sit-down dinner. Just keep in mind the ratio of your wages to his, or vice versa, which allows for the person making more to pay for more and still come out even with the person who makes/pays less, as a way to justify doing that. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with making more money than your man! Just be fair and even and talk about your options. Communication!

So where do you go for a date nowadays? Dinner and a movie is a classic option. Or just dinner or just a movie. How about a stroll through the mall or on the lakefront or down in the Quarters. With or without friends or another couple. The challenge is to find something unique. Rent a horse buggy in the Quarters. Go sailing (a personal favorite now)! Try the arcade or amusement park. Local festivals are a great free and fun idea. Think outside the box a bit. First impressions are important but pleasant memories last longer.

Let’s talk about clothing, ladies. And you gents too. Be it your first date, your tenth, or your 100^th, there is absolutely no reason to be dressed at extremes. Leave your hoochie skirts and holey t-shirts at home, unless you’re going to a costume party. Think about your outfit for at least 30 minutes but no more than an hour. Always dress appropriately; don’t wear heels to the mall or tennis to a nice restaurant. Jeans and a nice shirt, collared, silky or otherwise not ordinary shirt, is a great combo for most any date. If you’re going on a surprise date, ask the guy to give you a hint or suggestion so that you can dress correctly. Fashion is just as important for you fellas too! Same rules apply: no ragged t-shirts or torn pants. Brush your hair, shave, dig out your clean tennis or sandals if the occasion allows. Ladies like for their guys to look as nice as they do. Oh, and we love a guy in a tie! (hint hint)

Both of these being valid points, I think propriety wins out as the most changed aspect of dating. Many of us may be familiar with the ‘Royal Jerks Society’ rule of ‘put out or get out.’ If the guy you’re with believes in this rule, darlin’, get out. Giving up any piece of you is not worth a potential one night stand. Even if you think there’ll be anything more, think about it just as carefully. If there really is going to be more, then putting out on the first date can potentially harm your fledgling relationship. If he’s worth a few more dates then he’s worth going a bit slow. Try just a simple kiss after the first date and see how that works. Who knows what a simple kiss can lead to if you’re ready? But if you’ve already decided that you're going to put out, just be sure it’s because you want it and not him. That whole regret thing really sucks.

There we go: four problems with dating in the modern world. 1) Always share costs if possible. 2) Find a unique, or close enough, place for a date. 3) Remember to dress appropriately. 4) You don’t have to put out on the first date. Remember these four things and dating should get a bit better for ya!

Why Dating the “Good Guy” is a “Good Idea”

Okay, so you may not melt when he holds the door open. And you won’t feel the hot, dirty wind in your hair sitting in his cool air conditioned sedan. That sense of security just isn’t all that scintillating. Wake up the ladies! Security is sweeter than you think.

Admittedly when I say security I think Desperate Housewives, good money and nice cars. While this is a reality for some, security can be as simple as a steady minimum wage job, rundown apartment and beat-up jalopy. It’s possible either way. Security is whatever you wish for it to be, really.

“Good guys” may usually not have the fresh out of bed look, but they look damn good all clean cut. A shave, a swipe with the comb and a splash of cologne honestly get me more work up than a month’s beard and body odor. Tailored suits or graphic tees are pretty darn sexy. It’s all about appearances in this country and “good guys” have what it takes.

The greatest part about “good guys” when you start dating, especially, is that they cause less mom – nagging. Your mother will always like a man who brings home the bacon over one who doesn’t. And the lack of nagging and “I told you so’s” is worth its weight in “good guy.”

Even if you’re an older woman on the dating scene, “good guys” can still mean less nagging but also more maturity. Having responsibilities greatly matures a man, if he is responsible for them. There’s your catch! Though he has the responsibilities at hand, he may not have the maturity to deal with them. Hence therefore, disaster! Find a “good guy” if you’re ready to start thinking about settling down for the long haul, with or without baggage.

So let’s recap why dating “good guys” is a “good idea.” 1) security 2) well kept/good appearance and hygiene 3) mom – friendly 4) marriage material. Those sound like a winning combo to me! All of this talk definitely comes from experience. As mentioned in the “bad boy” post, I have dated a few guys who my mom either did not or would not have approved of. Now, however, I seem to have found that magic diamond in the rough “good guy.” Let me tell you, the difference is amazing and very much worth it.