Lately I find myself delving into new worlds, going boldly
where I have never gone before. I’ve found my final frontier, and it isn’t
space. No, I’ve found it in a younger man. Who woulda thunk it? After a decade of
dating, from the slightly younger to the significantly older, I think I may
have my match in a relatively young guy. Relatively being six years my junior,
still in college and having the attitude to match.
With so many differences between us (age, life experience,
education) it can be very difficult to hold back advice. I’ve come to realize
that our relationship requires a Prime Directive. Starfleet’s Prime Directive
states that there can be no interference with the development of an alien
civilization. Okay, so calling a guy an alien is a bit of a stretch (just a
bit), but the same principle applies in the younger guy situation. He is still
working through his formative years, learning professionalism, self-sufficiency,
adult-like manners, and personal, professional and educational responsibility. As
much as I would love like to take over and show him how to do things, I can’t.
Simple as that. I went through those same years without someone dictating my
every move and I owe the same to him.
That all said, there are (several) times when it’s okay to
breach the Prime Directive, such as a hint here or edited essay there. There is
actually a difference between dictating and advising, though as a control freak
that line is blurred. While I can’t tell him what to do, which ensures a
rebellious response, I can offer advice that he is free to take or not. The trick
for me is to not be upset if he refuses the advice even though I know it will
improve his circumstances… But he has to learn from his own mistakes! However,
if I am asked for advice or help, then the Prime Directive is less restrictive.
I’ve been asked to proofread an essay and his resume. I did these things gladly
but I also made sure to involve him in the process, that way I wasn’t taking
over completely and could show him why I made the changes.
This brings up an especially important note for dealing with
other people, especially younger males. No one likes to lose control. Even
further, no one likes being told what to do without having solid reasons to
back up this action. If you want a person to change himself or his product,
then you should tell that person why you would like to see that change happen,
what it would mean to change, and how it can improve their life. Then wait for
them to process and adopt this change if they want to. Trust me, you’re
more likely to succeed this way!
All in all, dating a younger man has its pros and cons. That’s
enough for a whole ‘nother post! But, above all else, follow the Prime
Directive. Be there to support your man when he needs but stay out of his hair
otherwise! Just be sure to communicate clearly and accept who he is. Do this
and you both will be happy.
I am a recovering clutterer. Yes, there is such a
thing. I have hoarding tendencies that I fight against daily. I also have a bit
of an OCD problem. Growing up, I was a messy kid, shoving toys under my bed,
leaving piles of stuff on my floor. But there was always a path and I generally
knew where everything was. As I got older, I accumulated more stuff until I
have more belongings in storage boxes than I had out being used. I didn’t
understand where this was a problem until the last time I moved and we needed a
small U-Haul to carry 3 pieces of small furniture and all of my boxes of stuff.
Finally, it sank in that I had a problem and that I needed to do something
about it.
My transformation began two years ago when I moved
in with my parents. I realized that I needed to lower my “stuff footprint.” All
fine and good but where do I start? I had so much stuff I was overwhelmed by
the sheer volume. After mostly settling in, I found a box, a box of stuff that
hadn’t found a home yet, and I decided to go through this box. And so I found
my goal to go through one box, bag, drawer, bin and shelf at a time to minimize
its contents. I would do my cleaning chores on Saturday morning weekly. I would
start going through my closet monthly and pulling out clothes and shoes to pass
on. Once I had these goals in mind, I was ready to take it to the next step.
One of the more difficult aspects of organizing is
figuring out how to organize to your advantage. I know I’m a visual person so I
needed to organize with clear or open containers and color order. Before I ran
out to buy boxes and bins, I evaluated my belongings and how they should be
stored. Shoes went into clear plastic shoeboxes that now stack neatly in the
closet. Winter gear is in a plastic bin that can easily be tossed in the attic
or hall closet during the summer. While my file cabinet is in the closet, out
of sight, I have a ladder shelf with my pre-filing open top bins, one for
receipts, to-be-filed, and important papers. My closet clothes are arranged in
type order then color order, ex. sleeveless then short-sleeved then
long-sleeved, each in color order. My dresser clothes are arranged by most used
in the top drawers, like sock and t-shirts, to least used in the bottom, like
my very nice collection of exercise clothes. In the bathroom, hair supplies and
toiletries go under the main sink while facial care and cleaning supplies go
under the extra sink because I use those objects at the different sinks. So
that’s how I organize.
Now the hardest part of all of this is maintaining
the clean. Fortunately for me, though I may be a clutterer, I also have OCD
tendencies. Which means once my room is clean, it’s much easier to keep it that
way because of the compulsion to keep it clean. This is easily done with
starting the day by making the bed as soon as I get out of it. Acts as a burst
of energy and discourages me from sneaking back into bed! After that, everything
goes back in its place, wherever it came from. Shoes back in the shoeboxes in
the closet, coat on the hanger, keys on hook, phone on desk. After washing
sheets and clothes, the sheets immediately go back on the bed and the clothes
get folded and put away. If I can’t fold them right away, I at least lay out
the hanging items so that they don’t get wrinkled. My main rule is that all
clothes must be put away appropriately before bed. This rule is a lifesaver for
me; otherwise I’d have clothes hanging and hiding all over the place!
While it sounds like I have this clean room thing
down pat, truth is I can mess it up in a heartbeat. It seems like one day of
not picking up suddenly becomes a week’s worth of stuff sitting on my floor. After
I blitz-clean, I remind myself that a few minutes picking up before bed could
have saved me a few hours worth of cleaning. I also remind myself of this every
time I’m tempted to leave my clothes on the chair. I don’t want to be a
clutterer. In fact, I hate having the compulsion to cover every square inch of
flat space available in my room. I noticeably avoid my room when it’s messy and
seek sanctuary when it’s clean. So I fight against the clutter; sometimes I win,
sometimes I lose. What matters to me is that I win more than I lose. What can I
say? I’m human!
In the quest to relocate yourself from everything familiar to you, there are several preparations that you should make for the sake of your sanity. These include mental, monetary and personal preparations. Moving is a big deal, moving out of town or even out of state is an even bigger deal. Here are a few things that I’m learning along the way that I’d like to share with you.
The thought to move is the easiest part of the whole shindig. You can decide to up and move all you want, but if you actually get down to the nitty gritty about it, moving is scary! Not only do you have to psych yourself into it, but you also have to analyze the situation. Moving isn’t easy! First you have to figure out what you’re going to do job wise once you get to your new location. Only then can you find a suitable living arrangement, which requires lots of budgeting and saving, compensating and maybe even roommate searching. Then you have to figure out transportation; many larger cities have efficient public transportation to combat the terrible traffic, so ditching your beloved car may have to be an option, though at least that gives you rent money, or a few years worth of bus passes. Once you figure things out like this, then you have to figure out simply how you’re getting there. With furniture you need a moving truck or a trailer if you’re like me. Without furniture you can easily use your car or multiple cars if you have help. Start saving for gas money! Got all this? Writing it down? Good, now start looking! Finding a decent job at the right pay rate is a considerable feat. You need to give yourself time to search, apply, interview and get to the location. Pace yourself; there’s no rush, is there? Set a time limit and plan things out. It’s all in the planning!
So now we have all the heavy thinking out the way. Time to start saving up. City living is expensive! I don’t even have my own place down here and it’s expensive. My suggestion is to start figuring out your finances as soon as that moving thought pops into your head. I would recommend Microsoft Money as a good program to use; it has different levels of control and some pretty nice features. I tell you, after working with this program for two months now, my life and money are changed! I’m doing more to save up so that by the time I can actually move, I’ll have enough to at least start out without too much worry. What I am worried about more is the pay range I will need. In looking for work, I am screening options by a certain minimum pay so that I know I can afford an apartment, the utilities, insurances, groceries, loan repayments, credit card, etc. etc. with ease. The worst thing you can do to yourself with such a big move is get stuck without the money to continue living. Consider picking up an extra part time job to help balance the cost of setting yourself up in your new place. Just don’t over work yourself! Sacrificing your spare time at the beginning will be worth its weight in gold for avoiding the bills to come later. Obviously money is important for any aspect of your move as you couldn’t do this without it. Start pulling what you can from your paycheck or throwing loose change in a jar or take up a collection from family and friends!
Now for the clincher: are you ready to move? I still ask myself this everyday. This is huge for me personally, as I’m sure it would be for anyone else considering moving clear across the country to a totally different environment and culture and world. Because I have to wait so long to move, I’ve conjured a lot of fears and worries and nit-picks alike to occupy my time, many of which are at least viable fears. But I constantly have to check myself to be sure I’m not going too far ahead of myself. Setting up that timeline is key to my success overall. But make sure you have the support of family and friends too. When these fears assail you, it’s a relief to turn to your best friend or you mom and talk things out. Confidence is key to making it through this planning period; otherwise you flounder and flail and drag your feet until you lose focus on the final goal. You have to set goals and stick to them else you’ll get lost in the turmoil. More importantly than goals though is the will and want to move, to go though the searching and indecision and tough decisions and the distance. For me, this move will put me the furthest away from my family that I have ever been, and the first time I will move on my own. That’s revelation is wearing on me. It’s quite a daunting task to decide to move, and follow through, especially in this situation. However, I’m confident in my ability to persevere and so therefore I shall.
I’ll let myself be an example of not settling or giving in to a life that does not satisfy my dreams and goals. I want to edit and/or write, but I don’t want to struggle in life, be it by myself or in a family. So I know I have to make some changes, and some sacrifices, for the betterment of myself and my future. I’m willing to do so, and I hope if you have similar goals that my post here will give you the extra support you need to move on!