Death and Dignity

After reading a friend's blog article about Brittany Maynard, I was going to write a reply on his post. But given how at odds we are on the religious spectrum, him being white male Protestant and me being Creole female nothing, I decided that maybe it would be better if I didn't. Rereading my comment, I felt like it would be offensive to him on a personal and religious level. Much as I enjoy discussing religion with others, I don't enjoy offending them. So here is my expanded comment in response to his post, 3 things I would have told Brittany Maynard.

Very well written. I'm afraid I have to disagree with it though.

Yes, she'd be alive and with her family. But what's more cruel: for her to be slowly and painfully dying for a few more years before passing on -or- for her family's selfish need to have her that way because "she means more to us alive than dead"? Yes, life is precious. But at some point quality of life must override our need for that person to be alive.

Both of my grandmothers died from strokes; one took years to slowly fade while the other died after two days. As much as I love and miss them every single day, I would have rather seen neither one suffer as they did if there was an alternative.

Gramma lived with us for a while after her second stroke, before Hurricane Katrina. I was away at college when she first moved in but when I came home for the summer I helped my mother take care of her. She needed help with *everything* and I know she hated being a burden. I know she did appreciate when I made the bed nice and tight for her. After Katrina, our house was destroyed, all of our families were displaced, so she was put into an assisted hospital room as soon as my aunts could find one in the city. There she wasted away even further. The last time I saw her, she spoke in a whisper because to her ears her voice sounded too loud. The next time I saw her several months later was at her funeral.

Granny had a stroke the day after having surgery. She lay in a medically induced coma for two days. The doctors said she had a very low chance of waking up and if she did then she'd basically be a nearly vegetable and would have to relearn everything and would never have the same quality of life. So on the second night when she took a turn for the worse, her children decided to take her off of life-support. She passed after just 30 minutes.

What was more cruel? For each to lay alive but suffering? Or for us the family to selfishly wish them this way so that we would still have them?

"Beauty in suffering" sounds like a cop-out. That is one thing I'll never understand about the more conservative sects of Christianity. How can you believe that God *wants* you to suffer? And not just suffer but to glorify His name *while and because* you're suffering! I mean, it just blows my mind. I thought God was supposed to be loving and caring and compassionate. Not reveling in your pain. I just don't understand, can't fathom, why someone would find comfort in a sadistic masochistic God. He is above all that shit. Why would he care if you suffer? Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscience. Why would He need you to suffer in order to be more awesome? It doesn't make sense. At. All.

I think better to "die with dignity" than to suffer for selfishness.

Freedoms

For the many, the word freedom has just as many meanings. In general, I think we can agree that freedom means not being held back or oppressed by some outer force.

With this in mind, I have a very difficult time understanding the oppression of a certain type of people. There is no more racial segregation, or slavery, or woman's oppression. The main oppression is currently that of the LGBT community. Such a statistically small group of humans that has this country in an uproar.

The arguments against gay marriage are not varied much and usually have a religious tone. Sanctity of marriage, sin of homosexuality, family values, etc. That's fine, I understand your concerns about someone else's basic human civil rights tarnishing your upstanding views of this church right.

That's just it, though. The institution of marriage is at base a CIVIL contract. Even when you marry in the CHURCH, you still have to sign a CIVIL contract to make everything legal. The LGBT community is fighting for their right to the CIVIL contract, not the CHURCH covenant. Therefore, if any legislation denies a group of people a CIVIL right, that legislation is unconstitutional, in my opinion.

A New Orleans U.S. District judge just upheld a law banning same-sex marriage in Louisiana. I was ready to read the opinion with bias against the judge. However, having just now read the ruling, I actually understand why he ruled to uphold the ban.

Here are a few key points that stand out to me:

1. Protected Class - Members of the LGBT community are not legally considered a protected class (yet). Therefore, any legislation banning them from civil rights is actually constitutional.

2. Fundamental Right - This was an interesting bit for me. We so quickly throw out the term "fundamental right", however the right has to be "deeply rooted in this Nation's history and tradition" to be considered fundamental. In this manner, same-sex marriage is not a fundamental right, it's a fairly new concept that is not as deeply rooted in our history.

3. Can of worms - If the courts are to allow same-sex marriage, where does that stop? The judge gives the examples of aunts and nieces, brother and brother, minors, polygamy, a transgender spouse. While some of these are a bit silly sounding, there will be need to be precedents set to limit this equally loving relationships. The court is not able to focus on same-sex marriage without considering any potential future repercussions. The plaintiffs were unable to say why these "unusual" unions "would result in 'significant societal harms'" yet same-sex wouldn't.

Throughout the opinion, Judge Feldman seems to side with the defendants, who seemed more prepared, than with the plaintiffs, though he is sympathetic to their pleas. This makes it seem as if the judge is biased against same-sex marriage, but I believe that in his writings he shows that he is trying to be unbiased. He acknowledges the different viewpoints and shows which arguments helped and hindered each side. He supported his opinion with legislature and other Courts' opinions. In the end, he seems to fervently hope that this issue is resolved "democratically" but says that he cannot rule to release the ban because same-sex marriage is not a fundamental right of a class that is not protected when there is the historic and traditional legislation in place for the greater good of the people. He ends by saying that if plaintiffs can establish a "genuine dispute regarding a First Amendment violation on this record" this outcome would have been different.

I support equality among humans. I know the granting the civil right of same-sex unions is a huge scary big deal for the States and Country and its people. There will come a time when all people will be treated equal. If you are active in supporting the cause, don't despair. It may take a generation for positive legislative change, but it will happen.

Opponents will continue making it a religious issue. Like Former Louisiana legislator Tony Perkins: "This decision is a victory for the rule law, and for religious liberty and free speech which are undermined anywhere marriage is redefined." (nola.com) This is not a religious fight, it's a civil fight. I'm not sure how allowing two persons of the same sex a right to a civil union will do anything to undermine your religious liberty... Someone please explain that to me.

So, I ask that you take a moment and read the opinion. I hope you find that he wasn't putting down same-sex marriage any further than it is but rather that he was unable, given the material provided, to find enough reasonable cause to overrule current legislation.

From Clutterbug to Neatfreak

I am a recovering clutterer. Yes, there is such a thing. I have hoarding tendencies that I fight against daily. I also have a bit of an OCD problem. Growing up, I was a messy kid, shoving toys under my bed, leaving piles of stuff on my floor. But there was always a path and I generally knew where everything was. As I got older, I accumulated more stuff until I have more belongings in storage boxes than I had out being used. I didn’t understand where this was a problem until the last time I moved and we needed a small U-Haul to carry 3 pieces of small furniture and all of my boxes of stuff. Finally, it sank in that I had a problem and that I needed to do something about it.

My transformation began two years ago when I moved in with my parents. I realized that I needed to lower my “stuff footprint.” All fine and good but where do I start? I had so much stuff I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume. After mostly settling in, I found a box, a box of stuff that hadn’t found a home yet, and I decided to go through this box. And so I found my goal to go through one box, bag, drawer, bin and shelf at a time to minimize its contents. I would do my cleaning chores on Saturday morning weekly. I would start going through my closet monthly and pulling out clothes and shoes to pass on. Once I had these goals in mind, I was ready to take it to the next step.

One of the more difficult aspects of organizing is figuring out how to organize to your advantage. I know I’m a visual person so I needed to organize with clear or open containers and color order. Before I ran out to buy boxes and bins, I evaluated my belongings and how they should be stored. Shoes went into clear plastic shoeboxes that now stack neatly in the closet. Winter gear is in a plastic bin that can easily be tossed in the attic or hall closet during the summer. While my file cabinet is in the closet, out of sight, I have a ladder shelf with my pre-filing open top bins, one for receipts, to-be-filed, and important papers. My closet clothes are arranged in type order then color order, ex. sleeveless then short-sleeved then long-sleeved, each in color order. My dresser clothes are arranged by most used in the top drawers, like sock and t-shirts, to least used in the bottom, like my very nice collection of exercise clothes. In the bathroom, hair supplies and toiletries go under the main sink while facial care and cleaning supplies go under the extra sink because I use those objects at the different sinks. So that’s how I organize.

Now the hardest part of all of this is maintaining the clean. Fortunately for me, though I may be a clutterer, I also have OCD tendencies. Which means once my room is clean, it’s much easier to keep it that way because of the compulsion to keep it clean. This is easily done with starting the day by making the bed as soon as I get out of it. Acts as a burst of energy and discourages me from sneaking back into bed! After that, everything goes back in its place, wherever it came from. Shoes back in the shoeboxes in the closet, coat on the hanger, keys on hook, phone on desk. After washing sheets and clothes, the sheets immediately go back on the bed and the clothes get folded and put away. If I can’t fold them right away, I at least lay out the hanging items so that they don’t get wrinkled. My main rule is that all clothes must be put away appropriately before bed. This rule is a lifesaver for me; otherwise I’d have clothes hanging and hiding all over the place!

While it sounds like I have this clean room thing down pat, truth is I can mess it up in a heartbeat. It seems like one day of not picking up suddenly becomes a week’s worth of stuff sitting on my floor. After I blitz-clean, I remind myself that a few minutes picking up before bed could have saved me a few hours worth of cleaning. I also remind myself of this every time I’m tempted to leave my clothes on the chair. I don’t want to be a clutterer. In fact, I hate having the compulsion to cover every square inch of flat space available in my room. I noticeably avoid my room when it’s messy and seek sanctuary when it’s clean. So I fight against the clutter; sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. What matters to me is that I win more than I lose. What can I say? I’m human!

 

Links:

Organize According to Your Learning Style

Understanding how you process information to help you get organized, part I

Tackle Your Clutter Problems For Good

The Hoarder in You: How to Live a Happier, Healthier, Uncluttered Life by Dr. Robin Zasio

A Modern Creole in the South

A Modern Creole in the South

The original All-American Mutt, Creole’s are an interesting sort that have an interesting place in this country. Traditionally found in New Orleans, LA, Creoles have branched out across the States as inter-racial/ethnic relationships have flourished. Given the rise in popularity of mixed breeding, Creoles and other similar human mutts should have their own niche formed in the fabric of our societies. Unfortunately, this niche is not always accepted by more traditional societies and persons.

Is a person less of a person if their skin color is different?

Racism has been an issue in this country for centuries and world-wide since the beginning of our existence. The mentality that one person is better than another based on skin color is abhorrent in most of this country’s more open-minded societies. However, there are still areas that follow the old ways of ignorance and closed-mindedness. While these segregated societies are hopefully on a decline, their impact upon the local culture is longstanding. Once set in a way, people are hard-pressed to change their minds on something they believe is the truth. To be fair, those of the open-minded persuasion have no more place to judge a closed-minded person as the vice versa. However, there comes a time in which one would wonder if a closed-minded person could ever open up enough to see a person beyond their skin color.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

When we stop our observation of a person at just the superficial surface, we do that person and ourselves an injustice. We do not consider all points of the person, from the core to the subsurface to the higher functions. By halting the observation process, we are labeling and stereotyping that person without really knowing anything about them except what physical traits they have inherited. Honestly, there is always that chance of the person following those stereotypes to heart but there is also that chance of the person being the complete opposite of the stereotype they’ve been labeled. When Creoles and similar mutts are observed, we are often labeled Hispanic or African-American because of the different features we possess. This is certainly not fair to we mutts who really belong in no lumped category. Our cover is camouflage; we can blend and mix with any crowd. Sometimes a Creole is darker skinned, sometimes lighter skinned called ‘passé blanc’ or passable as white. Personalities and interests range from one end of the spectrum to the other. Therefore, we do not fit within any stereotype, making it disrespectful and obtuse of the stereotyper. Take the time to open the pages of a mutt’s book and you just may find a pure, kind-hearted kindred soul.

Sweet Home Alabama

From my personal experience, Alabamians are a mixed sort of folk. More often those that live in the cities and attend the universities and have daily interaction with folks of every sort are much more open-minded about color differences. Most often, the closed-minded folk are the small-towners, those with little interaction with the freethinking folk of the city. This spread of thinkers is quite natural and, for example, affects not only open- and closed-mindedness but also dialects and cultures and religions. Having lived in and attended a university in a small city for four and a half years, I was able to experience both sides of the minded spectrum, and even a few in between. I was able to also spend much time in a small town of northeastern Alabama, where I learned first-hand that stereotypes are just ignorant categories. By the by, the folk of Alabama, from either persuasion, are the friendliest and most kind-hearted people I’ve met in my travels and living. Even those who were hesitant to meet me due to my skin color were pleasantly surprised when they actually talked with me and learned that I certainly don’t fall into the stereotype they’d thought. This mind opening experience needs to happen more often to show people that there’s nothing to fear in holding back a stereotype in favor of getting to know the person in question.

My story is an open book.

Being Creole, I’ve had to struggle all of my life to find the people that I fit in with the best. Early school years were the worst of my struggle while attending a predominantly African-American public elementary and middle school. I quickly learned that I didn’t fit in with that crowd. It wasn’t until I attended an all-girl Catholic high school that I finally found my fellow soul-mates. We were a mixed crowd of crazy teens, pale, yellow, red, brown and more. We fit together, we grew together, we laughed together and we graduated together. As I entered college, I was able to find new friends along the same personalities whose hometowns ranged from backwoods to big city Alabama. We were inseparable then and many of us are now. We each brought in pieces of ourselves that stuck with each of us, from 80’s hair bands to hand-drawn tattoos to Nintendo to comic books. I’ve been included in different cultures, heritages, families, communities and relationships. Even the times when I’ve been excluded or prejudiced against have enriched my life and, most importantly, have made me into the person I am.

I offer what I’ve learned to help teach those around me.

Through thick and thin, I’ve taken all of my life experiences and made them a part of myself. The journey was often so tough and heart wrenching that I was tempted to just turn around and quit. But I never did, I never could, and I never will. This is my advice for the downtrodden and prejudiced. Stand tall; it hurts inside and you’ll shed many a tear, but take heart because you are you and no one can change that. With perseverance you can overcome any hurdle put before you and add it to who you are inside. Also remember, when presented in a situation where you’re unsure of how you’ll be accepted, respect and kindness go a long way and can make a difference. For the closed-minded, I offer you only a book and ask that you take the time to learn the inside before judging the outside. A person is more than just a skin color and you may just like what you find underneath.