Men Say the Darndest Things (If Anything at All)

Men, you know how your woman gets frustrated over you? Well, there are a few phrases that supposedly help, or so studies say. But why wait for someone else to tell you they work when you can be man enough to try?

The simplest thing a man can say is “I’m Sorry.” Nothing less, definitely more but that’s good the first go-around. We want a good sincere apology, with no exacerbation or patronization in your voice. Once you get the hang of a simple “I’m Sorry,” you’re ready to recognize the appropriate times to use this all important phrase. A good use is often “I’m sorry you had such a rough day.” Couple this with a good hug and kiss to the forehead and you’re a winner. Say “I’m Sorry” when your girl specifically asks you to do something and you don’t save the excuses for a more vague demand. Then do the task without hesitation after being called out on it. If there’re multiple tasks, at least do a third to half of them. As you see, “I’m Sorry” is best used with the element of surprise.

Now a classic phrase is “You’re Right.” Use this whether she is or isn’t. It makes us shut up quicker, lessening the likelihood of more nagging. Even if she tells you that you’re a slob, tell her “You’re Right” because it’s true in her mind. Whether you think you are or are not is irrelevant. If a woman says something she believes to be right, then she is, in her world. However, there are several delicate situations in which you never-ever tell a woman “You’re Right.” If there is a question on the table about the quality of her cooking or the look of her body, never use this phrase. Instead you should deny that her burnt casserole tastes like crap and that those pants maker her ass look huge (not like you’d mind that anyways).

The most important phrase a man should have in his repertoire is “I Love You.” Or if you’re not at that stage yet, “Babe, you’re awesome” suffices. Women need to hear reassuring phrases like this to boost our ego, get the butterflies flapping and simply to reassure us. Most women are of the paranoid sort; we’re always wondering how we’re doing in the world, be it in a relationship, at home, at work or anywhere else our paths take us. If you see your woman stressed, kiss her and tell her “I Love You” (a “Babe, you’re awesome”). Now revel in the smile that lights her face. But be careful when you use this powerful power. A woman will turn on you if she feels like you’re patronizing her or not being truly sincere. We can tell when you’re lying! So be sure to use this phrase in only the most meaningful way for the best effect.

In a relationship, there’s nothing worse for a woman than a man who just doesn’t know how to talk to her. Here, I’ve given you three surefire phrases to appease your woman in her worst throes of womanliness. Try them out, please. Not only will they improve your relationship, it’ll improve your stress level when having to deal with your woman. And less stress means more time to kick back and relax, before she starts yelling at you again.

Occupation: Homemaker

In this day and age, women are pressed to go out and bring home their own share of the bacon. The household has become a dual income situation. Couples are bringing in more income which betters the finances. However, is it truly better for the family as a whole?

Until the Women’s Rights Movement and through most of the century, there was no taboo against a wife and mother staying home to take care of the house and raise the children. It was expected! Well, if your man’s bringing home the bacon, the least you could do is clean house. I’ve heard the grumbling about the unfairness of this arrangement. After working even a short while in this full time job and seeing my mom the homemaker’s schedule on a normal day, I’d say each job is pretty equal. My mom stayed home and raised us, never going back to work except to take in kids to babysit. Raising and cleaning up after three children is a lot of work.

Speaking of children, how would they react to both parents working? It seems like it would harm the kids, especially young ones, to have only “nighttime” parents. The first few years are integral to a child’s development, which means it’s crucial that either or both of parents are there in the child’s life to mold and teach and bond with the child. In my situation, my older sister and I developed a wonderful relationship with our mother. Of course puberty threw us a detour when mom just wasn’t cool anymore, but overall having my mom here when I needed her was a blessing. Even to this day she’s there to be called upon. In my dad’s defense, he is the more easy-going of the two, so when he got home the reins were loosened.

There are a few alternate options that can go along with being a homemaker. This would of course assume that you can find free time! If you can find time, pick a hobby! There are several to choose from that can benefit your sanity and offer a chance for group and one-on-one projects. Another good option is to return to work once the kids are in a stable school environment, if you think you’re ready for it. No pressure though! Or if you’re not ready to return to the workforce but still want to make a little spending cash, offer to start babysitting other kids. My mom did this for several of our relatives for several years and managed to put that aside for saving (which helped her buy a new car after the storm!).

Now there will always be setbacks with your decision to be a homemaker. Obviously with one parent working, there will be a… well, not a shortage of money but not a surplus of it either. Just plan your budget wisely and it’ll be fine. My family made it! Another problem is an overbearing mother! Just because you stay home all the time doesn’t mean you have to do everything for your kids. It’s very important that your kids learn independence before leaving the nest because that can affect their ability to cope in the wide world. Most importantly, moms, don’t let yourself go! Put on that dash of makeup, borrow a yoga dvd from the library, walk around the block, involve the kids and hubby. There’s no excuse!

So, see, it’s not so bad being a homemaker. There are so many positives to it, mainly being the time you spend with your kids. Just watch out for the problems and you’ll be fine. It’s time to be proud to be a stay-at-home-mom again!

Abort! Abort!

Or don’t. This is one of those issues that people just can’t butt out of, usually because of their “Christian duty.” Women have reasons behind getting an abortion. It’s a huge decision that nay-sayers automatically say wouldn’t be an issue because they choose life. But they can’t understand what it’s really like to make that decision until they themselves are forced to make it. I hold one opinion, but having never had that experience, I could very well change my mind.

I hope most of us would agree that abortions for medical reasons are acceptable. Unless you’re a crazy fanatic, I think anyone would choose their own life over something that can be created again. Think about it! There’s always a second chance, be it another pregnancy or adoption. Fetuses can be replaced! Babies not so much, but fetuses yes. So please, don’t throw away your life, for medical or personal reasons. If you’re not ready and you think this is the right decision, don’t let someone else’s religious beliefs get in your way. Unless those beliefs are yours too, then you have some serious thinking to do. You made a mistake, I’m sure you understand this by now. So the question is: do you want to raise this mistake and mess up your life as is? It will get better. However, raising a kid is a huge responsibility that not everyone is ready for, especially if not planned. It’s okay to say that this unexpected pregnancy is too much to handle and abort the mission.

On the other side of the spectrum, though, you totally just created this little blob of cells that will eventually become a real person! Do you feel the rush of power yet? Any factor in the creation of life is pretty awesome, no matter what theory you follow. This awesomeness should be embraced and loved and not given up so quickly. There are so many rewards to being a parent that it’s definitely worth the “joys” of pregnancy. Yes, every fetus deserves the right to develop further. This is perhaps not a constitutional right, per say, but still a universal right. You may regret the happening, but you will definitely not regret the end result. If you’re still on friendly terms with him, kiss and thank the guy who knocked you up! If he’s a good enough guy, and he’s willing, don’t get rid of him. This is a learning lesson for the both of you.

There are a few arguments I could pull for both sides. Adoption is always an option if you can bear to pop out the mass of goo then hand it off. Many couples would love to have your newborn. Or it can join the sea other unwanted kids the nation forgets about, left to make the rounds in foster homes. What if you can’t afford the responsibility? Well, that comparably cheap trip to the clinic can save you tens of thousands of dollars along the road. Or you can avoid the clinic and be given money from the government to help pay for your “wonderful mistake.” The old “my parents would kill me” line doesn’t really work, unless you parents really would. At worst, they’ll disown you and kick you out, in which case it’s time to grow up anyways. At best, they’ll not talk to you for a while then welcome you back to their good graces and loving support.

If you’re still not sure where your feelings fall, just say you support both or neither. I mean, you’re playing “God” either way. Women have the right to choose!

Why Dating the “Bad Boy” is a “Bad Idea”

Admit it girls, James Bond gets your panties in a tizzy. That biker dude had you all wound up. Even that marine has you wishing for more. Why? Because we are idiots. That’s right, boys, we’re the idiots this time.

You can’t entirely blame us, though. This little thing called a maternal instinct kicks in when we see you. Outside you’re a rough and tough, hard-as-nails man’s man. Women, though, see that cute little kid that’s crying out for a bit of love and attention. Which is true? Don’t ask me!

That instinct aside, we do it for the rush, the feel of the wind in our hair, the fear of departure, the rough sex. It’s all about the adrenaline rush. You guys love it; so do we. It’s a basic human need for some, for others it’s just a fix.

However, when you combine the maternal instinct and the adrenaline rush, you get a whole new ballgame. It’s like getting a fix every time you brush the crumbs off his shirt. Not healthy! I would say this is a extreme condition, rather uncommon. At the same time, though, I think most women would go through a similar phase. I know I did! It was a rush to make sure my “bad boy” didn’t look a mess. Or that my wild-child brushed his hair. I am proud to say that we few are special, albeit insane.

Ladies, if you’re still wondering why it’s such a big deal, wake up! Your mother told you he’s impossible to change and she’s right! No matter how much you may try or wish it, your “bad boy” will just not change. Trust me! You + guy +change = never! Try changing yourself and see how fun that is.

However, there is a catch for the smart and manipulative woman. “Bad boys” won’t ever change for someone else, just themselves. If you’re good enough, you can “manipulate” your “bad boy” to actually want to change. Need a hint, read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus;” it’s pure gold. But there’s always a catch to a catch! Especially with “bad boys,” don’t get caught! This can ruin not only your hard work but also your relationship.

Of course, you could just be happy with him as he is. “Bad boys” are unique and wonderful as they are without changes. And if you just can’t be content with him, get out of the relationship. Being unhappy yourself and causing him unhappiness is unfair to the both of you. So if you can’t be happy or neither of you will change, do yourselves a favor and end it. You don’t have to lose him, though. “Bad boys” make the best of friends and will always look out for you if you’re on good terms with them.

So let’s recap why dating the “bad boy” is a “bad idea.” 1) it turns women into idiots, 2) it’s stupid if you’re stupid about it, 3) doesn’t work if you intend to change him but can’t adapt yourself, 4) just a plain bad idea if you get into the relationship for any other reason than love. But if you think you can truly be happy with your “bad boy,” then be so! Happiness comes in many shapes, forms and attitudes.

Now go out and hug your favorite “bad boy!”